The Beginning of an Epic

Travel Log Book
November 4, 2011

Sing to us, oh muses!
Let thine sweet voices croon to the souls of women
Inspire the scribblings of mortal girl with the knowledge of eternity

‘Twas a sunny afternoon on the fair campus of Patrick Henry College, and all the students were stirring. A breeze of restlessness blew through the small campus as the students prepared for the start of an extended weekend. The students squirmed in their classes with eyes glazed over. Professors’ trains of thought were derailed by the ever present knowledge of the weekend to come.

Only 2 hours more until freedom. The clock ticked. And ticked. And ticked. Oh end of long and arduous day, when whilst thou come??

Fall breezes shook the campus with desperate longing... they beckoned, calling us onward and southward. We sprinted from the confines of stuffy classrooms, from the dark and laborous bowels of library and lab, and stuffed our bags with weekend treasures.

We set out with steadfast spirit, wanderlust tugging at our heartstrings. “To Tennessee!” our wearied spirits cried joyously.

Scrambling to the car, violins and iPods in tow, blankets and apples packed into the back seat, we prepared for whatever adventure may befall us. We would travel to Howard’s Aunt and Uncle’s house, to the gleaming gold hills of Southern majesty, to the proud home of football and country Music.

Let us savor the South, in all its smoky barbecued glory!
Thus begins the adventure logbook of the not-so-famed travelers Fennig and Howard.


(Chronicled by Fennig)

2:30
While doing hard things loading the car, Brett Harris saunters by and in a hushed tone of awe, comments on our matching trucker attire. That’s right, folks! Flannel, ripped jeans, frayed hats... and... uh... grey TOMS.

2:55
As we pull out of campus, a weight [strangely similar to that of a pile of PBR books] falls off Fennig’s shoulders, and we marvel at the plethora of fall colors.

3:35
Begin reading Flannery O’Connor’s “A Good Man is Hard to Find”-- we think we relate.

4:00
O’Connor’s tale is about murder in the forests of Tennessee. Yikes. Perhaps good men are even more scarce than we thought...

4:33
Eating sour patch candy, listening to Reilly, and reading an Anthropologie magazine, we take in a sweet whiff of cow manure-- we reminisce on days of old, spent at the county fair. It was truly a blissful moment when we realized that, indeed Toto, “We’re not in the city anymore.” (HALLELUJAH!)

5:17
The hills are getting larger and the houses are getting smaller.

5:19
Listening to Classic Rock, Howard uncontrollably shouts, “I love you, Dad!”

5:25
Stop in Arcadia for gas...
5:27
Psych out. Gas was $3.45. Who pays such outlandish prices for transportation???

(Chronicled by Howard)

5:56
Whilst breaking at a redneck gas station, Fennig and I chanced upon Martyn Evans. He noted with some admiration that we blended seamlessly with the natives in our flannel garb. To celebrate, Fennig and I bought creme sodas.

6:00
“Sweet Home Alabama.” Heck yes.

6:05
Spotted our first UT bumper sticker! It was on a large red pickup. Ah, how appropriate.

6:14
When reviewing her gas receipt, Howard realizes that the gas guy tipped himself $3. Whaaat? Culture differences are coming out.

6:16
Fennig & Howard spot the ever-increasing appearance of signs for “Shoney’s” and “Hardee’s”. Ethnic food, perhaps? What is this strange place of Shoney’s?

6:20
Saw a sign for the “Dixie Caverns” camping ground at exit 72. Fennig and I were strongly tempted to divert our travels. But we plodded on bravely.

6:29
Fennig and Howard round a mountainous bend, and survey a glorious sunset glowing soft orange and pink against the horizon. Taking in the cinnamon red trees and smoky soft clouds, we were rather staggered, and confident we had chosen excellently for our fall expedition.

6:48
What the heck is an “Omelet Shoppe”? The sign looked creepy to us...

7:25
Stopping for dinner at “Bojangles.” We know. The name surpasses all other fast food chicken n’ biscuit chains around. Could you imagine the food is even BETTER? Their biscuits surpass even a place that rhymes with Fintucky Tried Pickin. Yup.
Like their sign says, “Chicken should look like chicken.” With all its fixin’s. A special shout-out to Sparky and his chicken fryer, who labored over our meal with arduous care.

7:45
Howard: “I’m getting iced tea.”
Fennig: “I think I’ll just get water.”
Howard: “Ooh! I want water!”
Fennig: “Wow. Way to follow the herd.”
Howard: “Well... if the herd is cute...”
::dumps out full cup of tea & adds water::
Fennig: “Shout-out to Darwin!”

8:35
Passed a town called “Chilhowie”. Howard found this amusing.

8:43
In the north of Virginia, we have “William and Mary” college. In the south of Virginia, it’s “Emory and Harry” college.

9:05
WELCOME TO TENNESSEE!!! Well, cool beans and hot taters, throw me some home fries, cuz this place is heatin’ up!

(Chronicled by Fennig)

10:44
Well hello, Knoxville. You’ve never looked better.

10:47
Note to self: stop living life in shades of grey. As can be derived by billboard wisdom, “Life is orange and white.”

10:59
Howard and I spot “Brown Squirrel Furniture” in tandem. Stifling our ever present carnal nature, we resist the urge to swing by and stock up on walNUT furniture, and keep driving.

11:20
Fennig and Howard arrive at their destination: a lovely brick house, perched upon a hill overlooking Knoxville. Howard’s aunt and uncle await them at the door, with cider and cookies. Ah, this is the life...


(TO BE CONTINUED)